Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Groceries from hell

Like I wasn't feeling crappy enough as it was, I had to go shopping with mom.
She said she would meet up with me in the produce.
Translation= she will get her stuff right quick and be out of produce by the time I walk over there and I will end up wandering around like a hoser looking for her for 10 minutes.

So I am coming from the Starbucks with my Tall Pumpkin Spice Frap, when I bump into someone I have not seen since high school.
Now, why is it, you only ever bump into people from your past when you look like shit?
Let me give you a visual of the situation in surround sound and imax.
I knew this chick since Junior Kindergarden. So since I was 5. She has always been this slim, darkly skinned blonde with blue eyes and a smile that made men drop to their knees. Yes folks she is perfect. She stayed perfect through to the end of high school too. Wanna know the real kicker, she's as sweet as she is perfect.
Then there is me. Pale, hazel eyes, always on the chunky side even when thin, auburn hair. I scare Amish people.
So today I am dressed in a pair of faded black jeans, my new "Buffy Staked Edward" tee, my Insane Clown Posse hoodie, no make up, my hair slicked back like it's got a mind of it's own. I look like something the dog dug up.
There is MS. Perfect, dressed in tan slacks, a white button up dress shirt, her long blonde hair curled to perfection, her waist tinier then ever, and her dark skin is now a perfect shade of bronze.
No make up ever needed, no wrinkles, not one splotch of anything.
I felt so insecure standing there. And the whole thing was like less then 3 minutes.

Ms Perfect : "Oh my god. Hey. I haven't seen you in like 11 years."

Me : " More like 15."

Ms. Perfect : " So you in town visiting?"

Me : "No. I still live here"

Ms. Perfect : "Where you working? I work up at blah blah. "

Me : "Been on disability since the accident few years ago. Still writing though for a few online magazines."

Ms. Perfect :" Right the bone disease. How is your mom?"

Me : "Mom is fine. She's over there." *I point my coffee towards the end of the row to mom*

Ms. Perfect : "I 'm married with 2 kids. And you two... any kids?"

Me: " No kids. God no!. Not married."

Ms. Perfect *nods head sympathetically at me * "Well nice seeing you."

I wanted to ask her who she was referring to when she said "you two" ? She thought I was married to someone or else she would not have worded it that way. So hmm. Which of course made me feel even shittier.

And it tossed me for a loop, I ended up forgetting to pick up eggs.

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