I figured it out.
After all this "what ifs" and bad dates and creepy internet guys, I finally know how to spot the "one perfect man".
And it's so simple too, I can't believe I didn't figure it out before.
Yeah, he'll be the one with the big neon sign over his head that says "Ardeth Blood I'm the One You'll Marry." yep. Simple.
Okay, maybe not a neon sign over his head, maybe one written on cardboard with black marker or even have it printed on a t-shirt.
Oh, and he'll have a thing for gargoyles. (didn't Dargo have a thing for gargoyles)