You get to a point and everything you see makes one word come to your mind "retarded".
I realized this week when watching TNA Impact (Feb 18th 2010 episode) when seeing not just Alex Shelley's hair, but the hoodie Chris Sabin was wearing with the metal spikes, that I'm too old, way way too old for all this dren.
I kept looking at them like that thinking they looked completely retarded, and that it was the kind of thing happening when I was in high school and college, back in 1988-1995. A billion years ago.
And I suddenly got it.
I'm just too damned old for this. If I am looking at you and thinking "damn he is the sexiest man ever he just needs to get some style" wondering what the hell you are thinking, or even something as simple as I don't like blonde men, then it's just time to walk away. (the only time I found a blonde man attractive was the actor who played Spike on Buffy /Angel and that was massive bleach)
Yes I know, there seems to be alot wrong with me when it comes to relationships and how I view men. Men are these odd creatures that you are not suppose to actually have. More like window shopping. You go to the store see the display but you can't actually touch it because the glass is in the way. Men make me uncomfortable. Like I don't deserve to be around them.
I think that is why I like Alex Shelley so much. Beautiful window display, but the store is closed for the season.
You want to analyze me, go ahead. Rick (my dad) was gone 10 months a year for work, and when he was home he was never around. And when he was actually in the house, it was weird. More like having company over then having my dad around. This is why I would never be good at having a husband who travels for work. Yes that has everything to do with the fact dad cheated on mom. There now the world knows what my close circle already does. I don't think I have a single secret left. I have blogged everything.
No wait, one more secret to be revealed. I can not pick out gifts for men at all. I had gotten a very expensive gold lighter for Trainwreck even had his name engraved on it, he hated it. I had gotten a talisman for Dargo keeping in line with the fact he was an Occultist, he hated it. Again you can trace that back to Rick. You know how when your a kid and when Fathers day rolls around the teacher always has some arts and craft thing for you to do. Well, grade 4 - I was 10years old - and the project was a silk tie dyed handkerchief; I didn't pick the project the teacher was a hippie. And Rick tossed it in the trash right away, saying it was a waste of material.
My dad should never have gotten married and had a family. I should not be here.
So in conclusion I pick the wrong men. Men who are liars, cheaters, abusive, and emotionally unavailable.
And I love wrestlers because they are safe. Totally off limits (or so everyone and their dog's grandmother keeps enforcing in my brain. I can't ever have a wrestler as a husband I'm not good enough) therefore I can't get hurt.
Now, I really have told you everything Spudgun. There is nothing left for me to let you in on. You know my weakness (Alex Shelley) you know my desires (Chris Sabin) you know my mistakes (every man I have ever gotten involved with) and you know how hard I have tried to matter.
You know how often I have begged for an interview with Chris Sabin, and gotten nowhere.
Not that it would really matter I suppose to anyone but me; getting to interview him. (Or any wrestler for that matter. ) Getting an interview with him would be nice would it not?
I think it would.
Can't you Spudgun just picture little old... er medium sized me sitting across a small table in an overly lit Tim Horton's Donut shop, madly trying to write down everything Chris Sabin was saying and doing, while trying not to knock over my extra large double double onto the floor or me or the notes, all the while resiting the urge to reach across the small table and mess up his hair. Just to see if it moves or is shellacked in place? That would be cool.
But he doesn't care.
Maybe I am not funny enough?