Friday, December 11, 2009

Gibby what's your glitch now?

Dude, you're abandoning me?
Another one of my friends is in the "I think I want kids" stage of their life.
Perfect, just perfect have us living in the field like cattle. Just had that line from Interview with the Vampire stuck in my head.

It was like we were sitting on one end of the playground looking across at the sea of monsters at the parents on the other end of the playground and they jumped up and ran to that side. (talking metaphorically now) They left me alone on my side of the playground. How evil rude of you.

I will guess that they have fallen in love? Stupid -stupid-stupid. Why is it, whenever my friends get into a new relationship they start talking about kids? Is that like a peer pressure thing to start desiring monkey-poo?
It's a disease right? That's how I know I have never been in love. Never wanted any kids. And that's how I will know I have honestly fallen in love.

If I ever look at a guy and start talking about pushing out a litter of puppies then I know I've truly fallen in love. And that I am doomed.

So far so good, no monkey-poo for me.

And why is it, the only guys I am meeting any more are single dads? What, was there a sale on at Canadian Tire one afternoon or something? Buy one monkey-poo and get the second half off?
Get really icky when you are standing in line for the damned bus and some guy with a double stroller covered in monkey-poo vomit and sticky fingerprints starts smiling at you and telling you that his oldest monkey-poo has just started teething and sleeping through the night.

Um okay, and this has what to do with me? Nothing. Right. Then why do the single dads continue to chat me up when I am out places. I thought I sent off "so not interested" vibes with my ipod in my ears and my arms crossed or on my cell phone. But no, the single dads zero in and start doing their little dance of balancing one kid on their hip and the dipper bag over their shoulder while they smile and wink and try to catch the flying toys their monkey-poos are throwing at other people.

That really doesn't impress me. At all. And for me to really fall in love, honestly 100% fall in love, looking at the guy with the desire to push out a litter of puppies he's going to have to be a total god. Like Dionysus in human form. (yeah I know I have called Alex Shelley, Dionysus in human form) And no man so far has had that affect on me.

Wow, I really am incapable of loving someone.

No comments:


Related Posts with Thumbnails