But what do you want to do?

Julie and Julia came out on dvd today. I had to rent it. I saw it back in the cinema this summer, and read the original book by Julie Powell, and am half way through the book My Life in France by Julia Childs.

I was suppose to be reading the next book for review from Harper Collins Canada, but I just did not feel like it today.
What I did do, was rent the movie and decide I wanted to spend the day cooking. I haven't been really serious about food in 10 years. Before I became a vegetarian I used to cook every night of the week. Roasted chicken with cous-cous and peppers in a yogurt sauce. Meatloaf with scalloped potatoes and green beans. Casseroles with home made tea biscuits. You get the idea.
I was good at it too. Not great, but no one ever starved. I can even make Fish and Brews. Not that I ever liked seafood. Hate it actually, even more so since becoming vegetarian 9 years ago.

Anyway, today I made a Hashbrown casserole, and a potato/asparagus cream soup. Still have to make the stock for the vegetable soup.

So there is one burning question in the movie that both characters face "what do you want to do?" Cooking ends up being the answer one gives and does it by doing a cook book and Writing is the answer the other gives, and does it by cooking then blogging it.
Cooking and Writing.

Hmmm. So while I was mixing up the casserole, I was letting my mind drift to that question. I want to write. But other then that, I want to paint, make videos, edit movies, basically just create. Which I do now.
So if I am doing what I want then why do I still feel like a bucket of dren? Then I thought maybe I picked the wrong role model?
I have been framing my life after Dorothy Parker. And I realized from what I have managed to learn of her, she had 2 failed marriages and a failed love affair. Great mind, fabulous skills as far as being a literary genius, but not really good at the domestic side.

So what is it that I want to do that I am not doing? To be useful, to be needed, to be someone's wife.
Am I going to find my purpose through cooking? Maybe who knows, but at the moment it's a great form of meditation. You tend to stop thinking of the stress in your life and focus for the few minutes it takes to chop an onion or mix a batter ,on the moment.

I think the one Yule gift I am going to buy myself this year is Julie Powell's second book Cleaving A Story of Marriage, Meat and Obsession. It came out last week. That and I am really coveting a new spice rack. The steel kind with the two shelves that spins and hold 40 spice bottles.