One of my favourite movies in the last year, has been Ramen Girl. There is a line in that film that talks about how when you feed someone something you made, you are feeding them part of you. Part of your soul.
That is so true.
Grandma Perry, Aunt Winn to so many people, believed that. She's most likely staring down at me from the big kitchen party she's at tisk tisk tisking me for my lack of food... grace.
Before I had become a vegetarian, which she would have tisk tisk tisked me for too as she believed there was nothing wrong with a good steak, I used to make a really great pot of Oxtail soup. Grandma's recipe of course. I actually miss that. I do not miss having rotting flesh in my stomach and intestines, nor do I miss the smell of meat cooking, but I do miss making things like that. Grandma's main recipes.
Hence the bread the old fashioned way last week. Which you can catch a video of me doing on my cooking blog.
I can't tell you what's "gotten into me" as of late. Why I am obsessed lately with cooking. I don't know. It's not even a passion of mine. I admit, I have thrown myself into this to have something to do. Something to keep me busy while I waited for my Editor to get back to me with all her notes so that I could start the next draft of the novel.
Just something to keep me busy.
Well, the neighbours have been sniffing around the door. Literally. For the first time ever I had the landlord's daughter ask what smelled so damn good. I had made pasta and mushroom sauce. But just between you and me, I am the only one in this building who DOES cook. Everyone else has the delivery guys on speed dial. I'm not kidding. There is a revolving door policy here for every single delivery guy in town. Every night three different delivery cars will show up, and I know this cause I do not drive so my parking space is the spot de jour for the pizza/sub sandwich/Chinese/pasta/kfc take away delivery guys. I live in a fourplex. Myself, the landlord, his daughter and the teen aged couple who live in the apartment below me.
And the point to all this rambling... I told you last week there was going to be a shift in attitude on this blog.
One of the wishes I have for myself this year, is to find someone to cook for. Yes, I know I need a husband.
I've had a bad attitude towards food most of my life. My weight has been a sore issue with me. I've been as large as 300 pounds and as unhealthy as 119 pounds. Been Bulimic, and looked at food as a dirty idea. It's a fear I have.
It took years to get to a healthy 135 pounds. Then the car accident happened and I shot back up to 225. Here it is almost 4 years later and I am sitting comfortably at 160. Unable to work out since the car accident and cooking again. Vegetarian now, but cooking none the less. My attitude towards life now is I'm here. I survived something I should not have (the car accident ) and if lugging around an extra 25 pounds for the rest of my life is the trade off, it's a small price to pay.
This year, is about facing fears. I'm 36. I don't have time anymore for self doubts.
Life should be about food, laughter, and bad camera work always.