Sunday, August 30, 2009

It's been 3 years

On September 1st, it will be three years since the car accident.
I don't want to have to spend it alone. Silly I know, but I still have nightmares of it.
I have a video tape somewhere in the apartment I have never been able to look at, of the accident site. The Trauma therapist had me go to the site after it happened and video tape it.
Since I never freaked out on her, she wrote me off as being fully recovered emotionally.
Which, except for the odd nightmares, and fact I still hate being in a car, I have.
I am fine in a bus or plane, but put me in a smaller vehicle and I mildly freak out. Just a little. What's a mild freak out ?
That would be me unable to pay attention to anything but how close we get to an intersection, and holding my breath when we do.
I was in the car with my mom and uncle few weeks ago, we were going for groceries, and someone came at us on a turn. Uncle was fine, Mom was fine, I was hyperventilating in the backseat. It took me almost 5 minutes to stop shaking.
I hate four way stops.
I would much rather walk places. Most places in town I can, but once the weather gets bad I will have to be in a car.
It's a good thing I don't drive myself, cause I would not be able to handle it.
And I still don't want to spend Sept 1st alone.

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