Monday, July 27, 2009

Change Your Face Your Name Your Number

I am quoting Alice Cooper here. And why am I doing that? Well if you are reading my blog on the weekly/daily then you don't need to ask such a silly thing, but if you just got here.... Buy the Ticket Take the Ride.

The last 4 days have been a trip. I got to visit with one of my oldest and closest friends and got to catch up with someone I haven't seen in 17 years. Just being back in the old neighbourhood was a hoot.
Then I spent some time catching up on my missed emails this morning, and just hanging out reading stuff on the web. I got to thinking. It truly is better to be a Miss Bates then a Lady Bertram. No I am not talking in riddles honest.
Two of the most popular Jane Austen novels, Emma and Mansfield Park have older female characters, who are very very different but are roughly the same age. In Emma, we have the character of Miss Bates. A Spinster who is an honest hard working woman with no money and can be very dull most of the time. But people who like her and respect her do so because she earned it.
In Mansfield Park Lady Bertram is a lazy addict who spends her time in a drug induced coma while her many children run wild. She got where she did on her looks alone, and is worthless really.
While back, while having a conversation with Ninja and a friend, they called someone "a total Lady Bertram" I replied that I seem to be a total Miss Bates. So of course I ran to my Jane Austen book group and asked the question. Everyone agrees it is better to be Miss Bates.
So what brought this up this morning? An article I read online about there being two types of single women. Women who are comfortable in their own skin to be single and women who are not and need a relationship to just be. I had my iPod on while I was reading.
I spent the next two songs I was listening to thinking about this, weighing where I fit in that. And for all my bitching about not being married, I think I still fall into the category of being comfortable in my own skin. Simply, because I know I am better off alone then in the wrong relationship.
I have known alot of women over the years who cling on to any man just to be part of a couple, and have suffered for it. Some of them live daily with abuse, others have become drug addicts, others have no idea how to even pay their bills because they have never lived alone for more then a day.
There was one woman few years ago, who was like that. Infact, she singled handedly tried to destroy one of my relationships. Did I let her, no. That relationship was already ruined for other reasons. Looking back on it, she didn't know how to survive any other way. The woman used her body for everything. If she had been a hooker or a stripper, I would have had some respect for her, but she wasn't. She was just one of those women who could not function without a man. She wanted my man at the time because I was happy. I was happy not because of the guy (it was the Trainwreck I was dating at that time) but because of where I was in my life.
I had just reached a few goals in my life, had managed to deal with some dren and was feeling swell about where I was. I also had a great batch of friends. Viva-Loco Homegirl Esq and her husband were at that point in time, my two closest friends. I was doing volunteer work with the flower delivery company at the time, and out every week doing a couple of hobbies I loved at the time. My life was full, and busy. I was happy.

Now, back to the quote. You can change your face, your name your number, even dye your hair, but you will still be you at the core. Your life will not change til you decide to make it so. And I realize I am starting to sound like an episode of Oprah or some self help guru or something, but it's true. If you are just pretending to be something or someone you are not, then that's all you will ever be, fake.
Miss Bates is a good role model to have. She's always true to herself, even when it's not fashionable to do so. Now, to jump bands and quote Twiztid "do it cause you feel it in your heart/and if it's real they gonna feel it from the start"

I will never be the most popular, I will never be pretty, but I will always be real.

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