My boobs

Blame it on this post and a few male friends who found it extremely funny.

I just had to deal with a guy who had a fit because I could not remember some details from his profile on the dating site. And why is it an issue, cause he's working with us on one of the sites.

What has that to do with my boobs?

When I told the Drummer about the drama fest he texted me saying "show him your boobs"
Right. Like that would make everything all better.

So the whole thing has become this massive running joke.

So why did you put "Sabin" in the tags?

Um hello read the other post link. Dude do I have to tell you everything, what are you dumb; stupid?

Are there any single straight men left on this planet? part 13

I got a long awaited message last night from the Aries look alike (I know I know I haven't come up with a better id for him ) wanting to chat. Okay I happen to like this guy so I started talking to him.
In the middle of the conversation I get a message from some other guy. Fine okay. Now, this second dude is telling me how he had to change his id name because he wasn't meeting anyone wanting a serious relationship, only girls wanting a one nighter. I tell him it's his career. He works in the music industry. When girls see that there is an automatic "oh he's not relationship material" attached to it, wither it's true or not that is indeed the first thought. He thinks for a few minutes then says maybe I am right.
Of course I am, I am a woman I am always right even when I am wrong I'm right.
Then he starts yammering away and I find out he's like best friends with my ex the Trainwreak.
That is a big bad in my book. I wasn't interested in this dude to begin with, now I don't even care to chat with him as friends. But wait, he then tells me that my ex the Trainwreak is a player... um duh I found that out the hard way 6 years ago when he cheated on me, tell me something new.... "he's bisexual" and I knew this too. It was the one thing Trainwreak was honest about.

Then the dude starts talking about wrestling. Okay topic I like.
He's going on about how big a fan he is of Jeff Hardy. Boring. I am not a Hardy fan, don't see the appeal of him.

Then the dude slags Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin.

What?

He does it again.

I will put up with a lot of wild talk from wrestling fans, but no one craps on my tag team.

That was the end of that dude.

So I get back to the Aries look alike, and he turns on the webcam. Fine, normal conversation. Or so it seemed for like a minute. You see where this post is headed. I am rolling my eyes at this one. I turned him down. Yeah I know, you are thinking um why if he looks as good as Austen Aries ? So he logs off webcam but continues to type. Okay fine. Then he makes a comment that kind of seems out of place. I ask what's the sitch, and he's like "oh I have a friend on here in another chat who is willing to play on webcam."
Dude, then why are you even still chatting with me?
So I ended the chat with him and went to bed.

This is why I don't date local guys.

Print catchy title here

But I don't have one.
I think I have referenced all the Sex and the City episodes, and all the Jane Austen novels. I am needing something new to compare things to.

I thought about using Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel, but to be honest, I don't see too much I can talk about from them in the way I have been with the other "chick-lit" stuff.
Come on now, I would only be able to talk about Spike's trenchcoat for one or two posts before it stopped making sense.

Not that I seem to make a hell of a lot of sense lately.

Have I burned myself out? No ,no, no, I can't be burnt out. I'm only 35. I have at lest another 70 years of writing in me.... don't I?

A writer who has lost their voice is worthless to the world.

Power of return ?

You have all heard what you send out you get back. Law of attraction. Right, yes B'y.
Okay, and you have all read my rants/bitching/begging for love letters. Right yes B'y.
Well that would seem to mean in order to get love letters I would need to send them. Right yes B'y.

I have no one to send love letters to.
So how can I?

Well it sucks to be me.

So anyways, I am having this conversation with my friend, the whole law of attraction thing, and her son who is 4 says "But Auntie, what about those two wrestlers you write about. Can't you sent them love letters?"
This is cute, he's 4 so you know it's cute.

Um no.
"Love letters only count when you know the person. Sending something like that to them would be considered fan mail."

Where upon he looks at me like he just swallowed a bug and smelled something rotten, his nose scrunched up his eyes squinting. Then tilting his head to the side he shrugged and said "then send them A fan mailed"
This is still cute as he is 4. Then he threw his batman at me.

"I can't do that."

"Why not?" he threw Robin and the Riddler at me. Which to him was funny.

"Um...because I am old? I don't know. " my friend is laughing at me by this point and made a noise.

"Isn't half your blog a fan letter to those guys?" she said raising an eyebrow at me.

I hate it when she's right.

Groceries from hell

Like I wasn't feeling crappy enough as it was, I had to go shopping with mom.
She said she would meet up with me in the produce.
Translation= she will get her stuff right quick and be out of produce by the time I walk over there and I will end up wandering around like a hoser looking for her for 10 minutes.

So I am coming from the Starbucks with my Tall Pumpkin Spice Frap, when I bump into someone I have not seen since high school.
Now, why is it, you only ever bump into people from your past when you look like shit?
Let me give you a visual of the situation in surround sound and imax.
I knew this chick since Junior Kindergarden. So since I was 5. She has always been this slim, darkly skinned blonde with blue eyes and a smile that made men drop to their knees. Yes folks she is perfect. She stayed perfect through to the end of high school too. Wanna know the real kicker, she's as sweet as she is perfect.
Then there is me. Pale, hazel eyes, always on the chunky side even when thin, auburn hair. I scare Amish people.
So today I am dressed in a pair of faded black jeans, my new "Buffy Staked Edward" tee, my Insane Clown Posse hoodie, no make up, my hair slicked back like it's got a mind of it's own. I look like something the dog dug up.
There is MS. Perfect, dressed in tan slacks, a white button up dress shirt, her long blonde hair curled to perfection, her waist tinier then ever, and her dark skin is now a perfect shade of bronze.
No make up ever needed, no wrinkles, not one splotch of anything.
I felt so insecure standing there. And the whole thing was like less then 3 minutes.

Ms Perfect : "Oh my god. Hey. I haven't seen you in like 11 years."

Me : " More like 15."

Ms. Perfect : " So you in town visiting?"

Me : "No. I still live here"

Ms. Perfect : "Where you working? I work up at blah blah. "

Me : "Been on disability since the accident few years ago. Still writing though for a few online magazines."

Ms. Perfect :" Right the bone disease. How is your mom?"

Me : "Mom is fine. She's over there." *I point my coffee towards the end of the row to mom*

Ms. Perfect : "I 'm married with 2 kids. And you two... any kids?"

Me: " No kids. God no!. Not married."

Ms. Perfect *nods head sympathetically at me * "Well nice seeing you."

I wanted to ask her who she was referring to when she said "you two" ? She thought I was married to someone or else she would not have worded it that way. So hmm. Which of course made me feel even shittier.

And it tossed me for a loop, I ended up forgetting to pick up eggs.

So now what?

I spent the day alone. Except for the half hour the repair guys were ripping out what was left of my shower/tub.
Spent the night alone too. Didn't talk to anyone. Not even mom.

I don't know how many more sleepless nights I can take? Sleeping pills they just give me nightmares, so I don't like to take them.

Wait, I did talk to someone, sort of. The Magus, my best gay guy friend. He sent me an email complaining about the dude who stood him up and the mojo he was throwing at the guy. That queen needs a husband worse then I do.
Scratch that. He just needs to get laid. I need a husband.
There's a difference.

Scoff all you want there is a difference.

Like I said a few posts back, and honestly I have no energy to go hunting for the post, if the Fates have someone planned for me, he will know me as the "one" when he sees me, or reads me or however he finds me, and I hope he's read at lest one Jane Austen book.
Yes I believe in the soulmate factor. Scoff some more go ahead, this is my life you are reading, my thoughts, my beliefs.
And if he's read Jane Austen then he knows that letters are the key.
Letters, a killer smile and a wicked sense of humour. Being a wrestling fan and a vampire fan are bonus points.

I can only write the perfect man so often then I depress myself cause he has not jumped off the page and into my life.

I was watching a "making of" Secret Window this afternoon, and the point the director made about how writers lives are boring cause we live in our heads so much, but we're great dinner companions, had me agreeing. Our day to day lives are horribly boring. All we do is sit infront of a keyboard all day. Our eyes getting strained to the point of headaches, our hands cramping up from typing, and of course the talking out loud to no one when we are stuck on a character or plotline.

Damn it's lonely being me.

Sept 1 2009

It's been three years today since the car accident.
I still don't want to spend the day alone.
I really really don't want to spend the night alone.

I didn't sleep much last night, kept have the same half nightmare-half memory of the accident.
It's been 3 years, I should not still be having nightmares of it at all. I should not still even be thinking of it.
But I do, and I am.