Today was one of those days where I just didn't want to talk to anyone. So I curled up on the sofa in my Insane Clown Posse hoodie and watched half of season 1 and the middle of season 3 of Sex and the City.
One of the episodes that stuck out was where Carrie asks "Do we need drama to make a relationship work?" (episode 37 'Drama Queens') In that episode everything is going perfect between Carrie and Aidan. Maybe too perfect.
The idea of self sabotage is something we all do but can't seem to see it when it is happening, or admit it when it is pointed out to us.
I keep wondering if I have killed my relationships when they were going well because I just couldn't believe it was. It seems I have at lest once; as D'argo pointed that out to me. (I haven't figured out if he is my Big, my Aidan, my Burger or just where he really fit in the grand scheme of things.) It is a hard pill to swallow when someone you love tells you to relax cause you are sabotaging yourself.
Did I learn anything from my little mini SATC marathon? Only that I miss him alot. I also couldn't help but think of the TrainWreck who walked out on me back in 2004. Two very different men two very different relationships one final result. They left a major imprint on my soul and maybe even my psyche.
Can we really get past our great loves or are we doomed the moment we set eyes on them?
In another episode, (episode 67 'Anchors Away') Charlotte tells Carrie that you only get two great loves in a lifetime. If that is true then I have played both my hands.
If we really need drama to make a relationship work; then how do we know it's working?